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Somewhere under his hat the tune began to move, one part expectation, and two parts spring sadness, and for the rest just a colossal delight at being alone.‘The Spring Tune’I took one of those “which Moominvalley” character are you personality quizzes. It would be great to be one of them and live amongst all of the others. Well, except for the Witch (not in these stories). She recalls a certain type of much older woman I’m afraid I’ll age into if I am around them too much. The kind that seem to have no life except for being obsessed with babies, new babies cast aside when they are also the too old babies. Jansson shines a light under the bed and into all of my hiding places of my sadness roots. Moominvalley is my happy place and my happy place must remind me that I purposely make myself feel sad when I am happy or I could never truly fit in there. Like, the Moominvalley denizens are terrified of The Groke in other stories (she’s not in this collection), their floating talisman of hunger that cannot be fed. I guess, after all, I don’t fear that kind of loneliness. The Groke knows what she is and I wanted to sit with her. Helplessly mute to be understood, yes, but there are no forgotten babies. So it was supposed to work out that I’d briefly feel if things had worked out differently I’d be listening to Moominpapa’s memoirs right now. I got Snufkin. There was something wronger than most with this quiz (still not lovably quirky like Gonzo, still waiting for the fuzzy blue transformation) because I’ll never be as cool as Snufkin. Snufkin himself would kindly help me understand that I’m not supposed to want to be as cool as him…. Half wishing he was chasing a mental tune into the real.... I adore Snufkin. He loves Moomintroll who would go into hibernation just so he wouldn’t have to miss his friend so badly. I want to be Moomintroll. Don’t want to wait for Christmas lights? Go to sleep. I think Jansson would cherish the waiting, though. One of my favorite stories in this set is about the Hemulen desiring his retirement so he can do nothing but love the empty rooms in his dollhouse. Of course I want to tell him you can just get a new dream and love the one that came true (okay, so Snufkin would do that). The children won’t understand that he can’t stop punching their amusement park tickets. His family “knew”, in the way that families think they know what is best for you, that he had to punch tickets to be happy. How it works out with their silent amusement park is a dream to me. I love watching children be happy and simultaneously revert to my own fetal position over shrieking. Kids begging for watermelon in grocery stores is my personal nightmare. I’m probably too fragile. Hemulen had it made with this. I want what he got that wasn’t his dream. Snufkin isn’t a shut-out I want to be alone with my savoring aloneness. When Sniff expects he’s going to be bullied into giving up his beloved toy because it’s the “Right thing to do”, the sacrifice isn’t the point of Snufkin’s story at all. The Fillyjonk (LOVED the wet and dark sea beating her carpet and too much inherited family junk staring down the judgement of what she thinks a snotty neighbor could improve if she’d just let Fillyjonk confess her fears) is similar. It isn’t the end of everything if the magic whatever can happen inside you to accept it happens. It isn’t about not wanting to be away from Moomintroll for Snufkin. I totally get it too. I pretty much always miss wherever I am not. I could miss that looked forward to time because I’m squeezing myself for a glimpse of how much I’m going to want it when it’s over. Snufkin is so comfortable with himself. I want to be envious of how comfortable with himself he is. It must be great to be Moomintroll and have this cool friend who can chase away the suspicious twinges things aren’t as they should be. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t anyone who can give you permission to switch on the right mood, though. Fillyjonk didn’t have it and the old lady he tells Sniff about discovers on her own when the laughter happens to shake the bone out of her gut and saves her life (thank god Sniff got to keep his Cedric. I hate it when anyone grows up too fast and Velveteen Rabbit sadness for no good reason).I love Moominpapa the best. I bought myself a small plush of Moominpapa to sit on my favorite bookcase (there’s a wonderful instagram where someone takes him on adventures. I do this with a shark toy already but I’m still envious of the fun they must be having with Moominpapa). His story about the Hattenfatters is my very favorite. Moominpapa is haunted by their unspeakable mystery. Those long white figures look like they could start from the ground or start from the sky they are reaching. They never say a word and Moominpapa lets himself dismiss the veranda happiness of swimsuits on rocks and juice glasses in the sand (I wouldn’t want it anymore if it were everyday, either, I suppose. I love envying Moominpapa this life). I hope I never forget the quiet feeling inside I got looking at the illustrations of the electrifying gathering of all the Hattenfatters in their meeting boats. Moominpapa tries to stick with “his” three but he isn’t sure if he’s right about who they are. I wanted him to stop mind-reading them wrong that he was wrong and live his life as he wanted but it was also so right that sometimes you want to be like the Hattenfatters and just be quiet. Snufkin would have understood.All of the pictures were great. Little My sitting like a cat on top of the wardrobe in her grandmother’s house when the Whomper from next door comes crying because the stories he frightened his little brother with came to frighten him instead. I don’t know if Little My was having him on or was she afraid too. Whomper’s dad is understanding about the Whomper’s whoppers. They go eat all of the dessert. I wish that would really happen that you could make yourself scared so you could feel all safe afterwards with desserts. (As a very little kid I was more like Little My then the rest of them. Mouthy and fearless except to make it more adventurous. I’m SHOCKED the personality quiz didn’t know this.)Not too sure about the little invisible girl that lets herself disappear because she’s afraid of her judgmental aunt. The mood at just the right time saves her life, she laughs herself visible, as laughter has saved them all, but I missed the doing it on purpose that Snufkin and Moominpapa had. Fillyjonk and this girl let go and wont get their sadness back. That is more my speed so you can feel invisible and make it all go away by laughing at the same time. Stories never have to end if you can make it all happen at the same time.

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